a glass case of emotion

today is one of those days when i cry so much i forgot what actually made me upset in the first place

so i hung out with suzzie and ila, with intentions of going to the gym at 4pm. girl talk, and suzzie talks most of the time about her line of gentlemen and i proceed to get super depressed

ALSO, I SAW HAFIZ as in “bigfuck” hafiz and was smiling to myself so much it annoyed suzzie. but the moment of hapiness was short lived as i then thought about all those years waiting. its sad you know

and then suzzie got a haircut- the hairstylist was super funny- and after that we hung out under some block near my place and she continued talking about her past/current love interest. i was suicidal by the time she finished

looking at where my friends are in the bgr sense really hits me. im not up to par with them. its like theyre all amost at the top of the mountain and im still at the bottom, looking up but refusing to proceed because im afraid of failure, you get what im saying?

i dont like to be different. and out of all people, i think only julie understands this part

i always feel like this every one day of the month. and it gets me really upset

another thing that upsets me are the guys/ assholes i allow myself to be associated with. he acts so flawlessly that even i, someone who scans people thoroughly before getting my walls down, fall for his little charade. it sucks you know, when you genuinely believe that, hey, you know what? this one doesnt seem so bad, he seems nice and level headed. maybe it’ll be better than the previous asshat and then you start building faith on his words and then after all the times you let him in slowly he just shuts you off like he’s on cable or something. it hurts a great big ass deal

i dated you for the sex but since we’re not on the same page then i guess we have nothing in common

so you date me, you make me feel that im worth something, and then you tell me you did it for the sex/ kicks

i have a high level of control over my feelings. i can keep everything locked up in a bottle and just inhale and exhale. but eventually i get tired and i break. eventually whatever sadness, whatever anger i feel manifests into some mental illness and i become stoic again. untill i fall for another asshole that will toy with my feelings and it becomes a cycle

wow. can you see how messed up i am?

when you feel neglected all of your life, you wont ask questions when someone who appears ‘perfect’ comes around- even if the chances of you getting burnt is high

people need to remind me that this is all a game

people need to remind me that this is all a game


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